Jaye Wells

Fun with Psychics

I met Joyce at the local Renaissance Faire this weekend. Joyce is a psychic. For $30 she’ll do a tarot reading and tell you the future.

According to Joyce the Psychic, I’m gonna sell a book within six months. Before that, in July, I’ll get an agent. This lovely agent will have long, light brown hair, and she is looking for a bestseller. Joyce sees ten books in my future–a long career, she said.

The temptation to find solace in Joyce’s soothing words is strong. But I have a few problems with her comments.

First, only ten books? That will take me at most fifteen years. Meaning, I won’t even be fifty before my career is over. Humph.

Second, from my market research (read: watching people at conferences), roughly 67.3% of literary agents are women with brown hair. One hundred percent of literary agents are looking for a best seller. I am going to the RWA conference in July, though, so the timing might be right (Joyce did not know about the conference btw).

Third, I’d be thrilled to sell in the next six months. But given my experience so far, I’d be luckier to get run over by a glacier.

So what’s the moral of this story? A fool and her money are soon parted.

However, if you’re a lovely brunette agent looking for a bestseller, why put off til July what you could do today?

14 Thoughts on “Fun with Psychics

  1. Scott on April 23, 2007 at 6:26 am said:

    If you do sell, please give me her address so I can see if I am wasting my time.

  2. Jaye Wells on April 23, 2007 at 6:30 am said:

    Scott, I’m no psychic, but I can assure you you’re not wasting you time.

  3. Sean Ferrell on April 23, 2007 at 7:24 am said:

    Jaye, The funny thing is that I KNEW you were going to post about a psychic today.

    I can also see the future, let me clarify her comments:

    -you will write ten books, but each one gets exponentially longer, twice as long as the previous, so by the tenth you will be writing for a decade at least.

    -your agent is looking for a bestseller… at the bookstore. That’s where you meet her.

    -the long brown hair is kept in a baggie in the agent’s purse.

  4. Heather Harper on April 23, 2007 at 7:28 am said:


    I’ve never had the nerve to see a psychic, even just for fun. Knowing my luck, she’d tell me I was going to get pregnant again. And then I’d have to slap her.

    Three lovely spawn are all I can handle. 😉

  5. Jaye Wells on April 23, 2007 at 7:33 am said:

    Sean, let me get this straight: My agent works for Locks of Love?

    Heather, actually she did tell me I’m going to have another kiddo. Looks like it’s time for Mr. Jaye to get neutered.

  6. jason evans on April 23, 2007 at 7:47 am said:

    Now, if you sat down and said, “I want to know if our potato farm is going to have a good harvest this year,” and she said all that, I’d say, break out the champagne!!

  7. First time on your blog, came through Jason Evan’s . Your writing is beautiful, I loved your entry to Jason’s contest and your childhood verses (prev post) are simply adorable..awwww


  8. Jaye Wells on April 23, 2007 at 9:09 am said:

    That’s true, Jason. I’m afraid I’m one of those psychic’s dreams. I have no poker face.

    Nav, welcome! Thank you for your nice comments.

  9. I let a psychic tell my fortune in NYC once.

    I was suspect when she had to ask me if I believed in God and whether or not I was a virgin.

    She then proceeded to tell me that it had been too long since I’d gone to church (though I’d been just three days before) and that I should avoid men with names starting with C and D but that a man with dark hair starting with M would be my love connection.

    My beloved husband’s name is Daren.

  10. Wow, that was a power boost. Thanks!

  11. Jaye Wells on April 23, 2007 at 12:33 pm said:

    Joni, that’s so funny.

    Scott, no problem. I calls em like I sees em.

  12. Bernita on April 24, 2007 at 3:29 am said:

    run over by a glacier

    Great line, Jaye!
    But. You gotta believe.

  13. Sonya on April 24, 2007 at 5:50 am said:

    LOL! For some reason, getting run over by a glacier has struck me as extremely funny…

    and how did the psychic know you were a writer? Did you tell her? That’s cheating, you know – she’s supposed to KNOW these things. Ahem! Psychic! 🙂

    Ten books, pshaw. You’ll get fifty out there. A hundred. 🙂 The six month thing is good, though!

    (Funny enough, I almost blogged about my own psychic reading this past weekend…)

  14. Jaye Wells on April 24, 2007 at 6:58 am said:

    I believe, Bernita. But I don’t believe anything happens quickly.

    Sonya, I’m a psychic’s dream. Next time I see one I’ll tell them I’m a potato farmer per Jason’s suggestion.

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