Posted 9:11 am under 
I should know better than to give myself some time off. I’m waiting on a revision letter from my editor and am officially in between contracts for the time being. So I figured, hey, I deserve a little break. The problem is I don’t do relaxation well. Procrastination? I’m a champ. But I can’t goof off without the guilt involved for some reason. Call it a hangover form my Catholic upbringing. Call it neuroticism (is it a coincidence that word sounds so similar to “eroticism”?) I don’t care. It’s annoying.
Instead of feeling relaxed by time off, I feel bored. Boredom is and always has been my enemy. When I have nothing better to do I turn to worry and self-analysis. This self-imposed drama is not conducive to feeling happy. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been filling my time with inane Facebook games. My Bejeweled Blitz score is amazing, but that’s hardly an achievment I’d like inscribed on my tombstone.
The answer to all this boredom, of course, is to write. Writing keeps my drama on the page and out of my life. Every night when Mr. Jaye gets home from work he asks how my day was. At first, last week, he’d say, “Good for you, you deserve a break.” But with each passing day, I’m getting surlier. The look on his face shows me what I already know. It’s time to start writing again.
But my other talent is making excuses. “But I don’t want to start on book four until I know how much needs to change in book three.” “But I don’t want to work on that proposal because who knows how long it will be before I get to write it.” “But I don’t want to work on that secret side project because it might be a waste of time.” But, but, but…
Julia Cameron calls this state “monkey mind.” A fitting term, I think, considering how close I am to flinging poo just to amuse myself.
It also doesn’t help that I’ve been reading a lot of industry tweets and blogs. When I’m in the middle of a book my brain doesn’t have time to get annoyed or pissed at things people say. It’s easier to shrug things off. But now, I’m getting riled up over other peoples’ drama. I’m worrying about sales and marketing efforts. I’m wondering if I’m doing enough to build an audience.
Monkey mind.
So today I’m giving myself permission to write without a plan. Probably the results will be crap. But who cares? If I need to fling some poo on the page just to empty my brain so be it. A mental colonic, if you will.
Does anyone else have trouble relaxing?
Yes!! It is next to impossible for me.
I will get more and more annoyed til I
create drama. It’s an ugly cycle!
Oh my God, yes. Your post sounds so much like I was going through for the first few months of 2010. Monkey Mind. Love it!
I just wanted to tell you that I thought Mage In Black was absolutely awesome. I really liked Redheaded StepChild but wow you really blew me away with the latest. I can’t wait for Sabina #3!!!
Monkey Mind is apparently my natural state. Ooo, bananas!
I can’t seem to relax without something that I wanted to get done later on waving it’s arms and screaming at me from the back of my head. Also great to know that I’m not the only person addicted to Bejeweled Blitz.
I have trouble relaxing too. I can’t ever really just sit and do nothing. Sure I vege out here and there, but at times I feel like I need to do something. Whether it’s working on my own WIP so I can get going and query an agent or reading a new release and seeing how other authors write and build up word count and twist in subplots. I feel like I have to be doing something.
You could write about monkeys. That would show those little buggers.
Bordom metastasizes.
You could write something for fun, instead of starting the next book. A short story maybe. Just an idea. This said while I’m busying coming up with excuses not to write myself.
Dude, where hast thou gone?
Oh, I am going through this EXACT same thing. End of series, no new contract and I am experiencing major monkey mind! I finally joined a writing challenge, which helped a bit. Still, I have way too much time to dwell when I’m not under deadline.
Mar